Don't You Know that You're TOXIC?!

WARNING: This is a rant post. Needless to say, it contains foul language. Sorry, I'm not one to censor. And it isn't really smooth flowing. And oh, it's loooong. If you don't want to get caught up in that, close the browser. NOW. :P

Photo Credits to the Owner

I didn't plan to wake up early today. I planned to let Lucas sleep in (because he's been sick almost the entire week) and just let him miss his first field trip. Alas, that was NOT what the Universe had in mind for me today. 

My phone started going berserk at 7am because my mom was sending me one FB message after the other. As always, I got mom-induced-palpitations. LOL Seriously! My mom and I are not close by any means and I honestly believe that the only reason she makes an effort to contact me is because of Lucas (and even that is once in a blue moon) or if I've done something which she perceives to be wrong. Of course, this morning's tête-à-tête was about the latter. 

She was messaging me to ask why I haven't been attending soiree's at my grandmother's house in Dasma. But she didn't just stop there. She told me that my relatives told her it was because my hubby wouldn't let me. And that she thinks he's not a good influence since I'm isolating myself from my family and that my world only revolves around the three of us (jigger, lucas, and myself). Then she went on and told me that's probably the reason why my brother is the way he is and that he was probably feeling out of place. Lastly, she went on and said "buti pa sa mga friends mo, lagi kang present!"

To say I was fuming is an understatement. I was frothing-at-the-mouth livid! Not at my mom, but at my relatives. Her sisters and her mother have done nothing but make my life a whole lot harder than it should be. Excuse my french but PUTANGINA!

Ever since I was a teenager, they've done nothing but ruin whatever relationship I had with my mother. Puro sila sumbong, sulsol, at pangingialam. My mom works abroad and I've pretty much been on my own since I was 13. When I say on my own, I do mean on my own. I lived in my house alone with no househelp or guardian. I was in-charge of my life and given the circumstances, I did I pretty good job. 

I never slept around. I didn't become a drug addict. I didn't become an alcoholic. I didn't get pregnant until I was 24. 

Yes, I didn't finish college but that was probably her fault. Nagpadala siya sa sulsol ng mga kapatid nya at pinilit ako sa course na ayaw ko. 

How I turned out is more than I can say for my cousin whose mom (my aunt) is a housewife and a pastora at their church. My cousin got pregnant at 15, then slept with her baby daddy's best friend because they were drunk and "trip" lang (while she was still together with her baby daddy, mind you), got herself pregnant again through that encounter, AND THEN got an abortion WITH THE HELP OF HER OH-SO-GOD-FEARING MOTHER. Bantay sarado pala ha. 

I'm sorry, I am not usually this mean. In fact, I am not mean at all. Nor am I judgmental. But seriously.

Yes, I haven't been attending events in Dasma. But it's not because my hubby wouldn't let me. I don't need permission from him if I wanted to go to a family event. The reason why I haven't been attending is because I'm just sick and tired of all their crap so I've decided to just cut myself off from all of them. 

Here's an excerpt from our FB messages:

"Maraming beses din nmn na anjan sila dinadaan daanan lng nila ako. Isa na ung nag"girls night" sila na na-er si cali. Bago sila umalis andun sila sa kabila, d man lang nila ako sinilip. Pero ano? Nung nasa ER na, ako ang tumulong ah

Si jl dumating, he didnt even make an effort to see me! Kahit imessage man lang ako sa fb. Umalis sila ksama sila chezka, rv etc. Di man lng sya ngparamdam. Di sa nanunumbat ako pero nung wala siya, saakin siya nakadikit. Ngyong meron sya, d nya man lng magawang mgparamdam?

Nung may trabaho ako lahat ng meron ako meron din sya.

Maybe dapat nila isipin ung mga ganun at baka maisip nila na baka un ang reason kya ako lumalayo instead of putting the blame on jigger"

Okay, that wasn't exactly an excerpt but what the hell, I'm all about baring all today. I sent that to my mom. JL is my cousin.

Another reason is I realized that the only way I can keep my family together is to keep them as far away as possible from the grasp of my relatives. 

I am very strong headed and I stick to my guns no matter what. Need less to say, unlike my mother, I can't be manipulated. I don't care what other people say or think. And I don't take advise from people whose life is no better. 

They have been after my husband since the first time I introduced him. He's not from a well off family, you see. So they think he's with me because I somehow alleviate his quality of life. And they didn't even try to hide how they felt about him. Binastos siya ng paulit ulit kahit anong pakisama ang ginagawa nya. 

I can be nonchalant about anything and everything if I choose to. But my husband can't. Overly sensitive does not even to describe him. He easily gets derailed by the simplest of criticisms. So yeah, my relatives' uncouth behavior towards him has been a strain in our relationship. 

So I made a choice. I chose my family. Him and Lucas. I have no obligation to my relatives.

Unlike my mom, who, sorry to say this, has let herself be manipulated by her relatives so many times that I've lost count, I will not let them ruin my relationship. Hell will freeze over before I let that happen. My mom on the other hand... hay my mother's relationship story is a long and winded one that will involve me, a paternity test, and 2 of her exes at some point. 

Anyway, I spoke to my father (not dad, dad is stepfather) and he told me some things that made me believe, more so than ever, that my relatives are POISON. They're blood sucking leeches. He kept reminding me over and over; through each voice conversation, through each text exchange, and even through chat (seaman, go figure); to be wary of the people around me namely my relatives. He told me to not be like my mother, to not let them ruin what I have with my husband. 

He wouldn't tell why at the time. He said he didn't want me to think differently of my mother. He just kept telling me to be careful and told me to be strong for my family. After much probing, he finally told me. "Yang partido ng mama mo ang sumira sa amin. Naniwala siya sa mga sumbong nila at nagpadala sa mga sulsol"

Do I have a reason to think otherwise? No. They've been doing it to me all this time and when they finally realized that they couldn't break me, they went to my mother. Sorry sila, my mom is the last person who can break me. 

I want to tackle all of the accusations that my mom threw at me.

My world revolves around Jigger and Lucas. Okay. True. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT?! I am quite certain that this didn't just happen to me. That's what happens when you get your own family. Am I wrong? 

My brother. My brother is an imbecile in every sense of the word. He doesn't pick up after himself, has a pile of 2 months worth of dirty dishes in his room, I have no idea where he's getting clean clothes seeing as he doesn't do laundry nor does he take his soiled clothes to a laundromat, walks past Lucas without so much as a glance... oh this list could make up a whole new blog post. He's been like that ever since. All he needs to survive in this world is his allowance (for junk food), his laptop, and internet connection. His definition of human companionship is chatting with his DOTA-mates. He knows it, I know it, and my mom knows it. Now where the hell do they get off blaming Jigger for my brother's social retardation?

Lastly, my friends. Oh this is a good one. My friends have been with me through thick and thin. They have stuck by me when no one else has. They have supported me through all of my decisions which is more than I can say for the people I'm related to by blood who have done nothing but ridicule my dreams. Yes, I am present in almost all of our lakads simply because I can't say no when there's no reason to. They call me endlessly and even go so far as showing up at my doorstep and waiting until I've showered, dressed, and put on my makeup just to make sure I'd go. My friends' parents and siblings look for me when I'm absent. I get saner advice from my friends' parents than my own parents. Simply put, my friends are my family. 

There is so much more I want to write down but I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. Not to mention, I'm utterly wiped out because I decided that the best way to not dwell on my anger is by going on that field trip (I'll write about it tomorrow). Besides, this post is long enough as it is. 

At the beginning of the year, I vowed that I would cut ties with people who've done nothing but take me for granted and bring me down. After all, such people are really not worth having around. Most of the people on my maternal side are on that list. I don't think I'm an ingrate or mapagmalaki by doing this. Because frankly, I owe them nothing.

On a final note, I just want to share the parinig I made on Facebook:


I'm a man (so to speak) of very few words especially when it comes to you. In fact, if there was no one else left in the world to talk to but you, I still wouldn't tell you anything about my life. Have you ever wondered why? Because you are manipulative, a terrible gossip, and just downright TOXIC. Yes, I just referred to you as POISON. 

YOU know NOTHING about me, my life, or my relationship. What makes you think you can pass on judgement? A jury will never hand out a sentence based on ASSUMPTIONS. I know you're curious so gossip all you want, I don't give a damn. But know one thing, curiosity KILLED the cat.

While we're at it, is your life perfect? Don't keep meddling with my life just because you can't get a hold on yours.

For added effect, I'm throwing a Bible verse at you.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 - "and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you,"