Repost: The Insatiable Lover

I came across this piece I wrote back in 2009.  July 15th 2009, to be exact. I stumbled upon it in my FB notes. As I read through this, I almost couldn't believe that I wrote it. It's kinda amazing, if you ask me. There are some grammatical errors which I'm too lazy to fix right now. Maybe later, maybe never. LOL Anyway, enjoy cos I had a grand time writing it way back when :P


It is said that the purest kind of love is one that does not seek to own. To love unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To love with everything that you've got, never saying that you've given your everything, because we all know that there's ALWAYS something left to give. To love with so much fervor and intensity that you lose yourself in the feeling.

What the effing hell ever happened to: "Love yourself first, only then can you give love?"

In response to Paulo Coelho's forum, The Triangle, I will share my views on this matter. He says, "But love has no rules, and sometimes you may fall in love with the same intensity with two different people. Then you are facing something that you didn’t expect and this affects your life. So this week the forum is about the Triangle, falling in love with two people, at the same time with the same intensity."

I honestly do not believe in this. Yes, it is possible to fall in love with two different people at the same time, however, it is NEVER with the same intensity. Why do I say this? Well, I believe that the reason one unexpectedly falls in love with someone else at the same time is because he/she finds someone who makes him/her feel like a whole different person. Let's be honest, when you've been with one person for a long period of time, things tend to become stagnant and routine. That is because you both feel comfortable with each other, too comfortable. You know each other inside and out. Therefore, the relationship loses the magic and excitement that was there when you were first starting out. Yes, there are no more surprises but your relationship has reached a whole new level. You are now in the stage where you know that there is stability in your relationship. You have surpassed all the petty fights and not-so-petty fights that have threatened to tear your relationship apart. In other words, you are now sure that he is yours and you are his.

Then someone comes along. Someone who chisels you out of the concrete slab that you are firmly cemented to. Someone who makes your blood rush, makes you laugh, someone who sends tingles up your spine and gives you butterflies. In other words, this someone makes you feel the 1st stage relationship bliss all over again. And you find this person totally different from the one you are currently with, Mr. Safe. This new guy, let's call him Mr. Dangerous. The name suits him, mainly because he is dangerous. He will make you do things you would never do, things that you swore never to do. And by making you do these things, he makes you realize that you are alive. He has breathed new life into you. Then without even knowing what has happened, you find yourself sighing like a little schoolgirl who is insanely in love.

Here comes the dilemma, you love them both. What to do? You can't go on playing this charade, you have to choose. But who? The man who has been beside you for the past let's say, 4 years? Or Mr. Dangerous, the man who has made you feel alive again? I honestly don't know how to go about finishing my story because I have never been in this situation. But I am hoping that Mr. Safe wins. I like security, I like to know what's coming. Picking Mr. Dangerous would mean that you'd have to go through all the motions of making your relationship work. You'd have to go through all the pain and hardships and insecurities all over again. Something that I don't think I have the heart to go through anymore. Besides, didn't Mr. Safe make you feel this exact same bliss once upon a time? If your answer is no, then maybe you'd be better off with Mr. Dangerous after all. Mainly because he makes you happy and that's all that really matters.

Here's another scenario, I call this one the Innate Cheater. They put the blame on their childhood. These are the ones that grew up in a depressing environment. Unloved by father or mother, abused, children whose parents were absent while growing up, elder children who grew not getting not getting any attention from their parents and the list goes on. The bottom line is, these are individual who grew up unloved.

"If children can’t get love from parents when they are young, they will looking for it on different ways through life, I believe. They are also more sensitive and careful. Those kids are slaves and also fighters for love. So, they need action and peace in one person and that is not easy to find in one person."

I call them Innate Cheaters because they just can't help it. They don't want to cheat but because they are so hungry for love, they tend to grab every chance that love is thrown their way. Even if they're already taken. They are always looking for something. Something is always lacking in the person that they are currently with.

You can easily distinguish these Innate Cheaters. They are the ones that skip from one relationship to another, but is always keeping someone. Meaning, they cheat while cheating. And the real girlfriend, wife or partner, well, you see her insanely in love with the IC. She's giving him everything she's got. But he's still cheating on her. When asked why, he tells you that it is because as a child, he was unloved.

My analysis of Innate Cheater is cruel.

He is the type that is always unsatisfied. He will always find a fault in the relationship. No matter how petty, he will tend to make a big deal out of it. He is incredibly self-centered. You will be amazed at how they always have a way of stirring the conversation and making it about him. He will never take the blame for the demise of his relationships simply because to him, he never did anything wrong. He justifies his philandering ways by saying that the other party brought about the demise. He is never contented with what he has, he always wants more, always needs more.

But amidst all his faults, a woman can never resist this type of lover. With his charming baby-ish ways and his incredible ability to make you feel that you are the only woman in the world for him despite the fact that you have solid proof that he is cheating on you. In the end, you will give in, forgive him and forget that anything ever happened. I can easily fit Hayden Kho into this description.

Sadly, because of his inability to be contented in his relationships, he is most likely to grow old ALONE. Yes, after so many loves that have passed through his life, in the end he will end up with no one.

But it is never too late for this insatiable lover. I believe that somehow, someway, there will be someone that would come and change him. Make him into a better man. This person just needs to be very careful about her moves and how she goes about changing her lover. She needs to be vigilant in making him feel the bliss and security of having her in his life. Only then will he be able to change his ways. Of course, the biggest factor in the changing process will be his willingness to change. He has to make himself realize that he is already getting the best love that life has to offer and not want to look for more.

Being in a triangle is never an easy thing. In fact, it is one of the most painful, degrading experience that you will ever have to go through in your life. But in the end, whatever the outcome, what matters most is how you survived the experience. If he chose you, well then rejoice and be thankful. But if he didn't, do whatever needs to be done to get yourself back together again. I know it's not an easy process, but you really do need to go through the motions. You'll see that after all the drama, you've come out a better, stronger person.