Repost: The Insatiable Lover

I came across this piece I wrote back in 2009.  July 15th 2009, to be exact. I stumbled upon it in my FB notes. As I read through this, I almost couldn't believe that I wrote it. It's kinda amazing, if you ask me. There are some grammatical errors which I'm too lazy to fix right now. Maybe later, maybe never. LOL Anyway, enjoy cos I had a grand time writing it way back when :P


It is said that the purest kind of love is one that does not seek to own. To love unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To love with everything that you've got, never saying that you've given your everything, because we all know that there's ALWAYS something left to give. To love with so much fervor and intensity that you lose yourself in the feeling.

What the effing hell ever happened to: "Love yourself first, only then can you give love?"

In response to Paulo Coelho's forum, The Triangle, I will share my views on this matter. He says, "But love has no rules, and sometimes you may fall in love with the same intensity with two different people. Then you are facing something that you didn’t expect and this affects your life. So this week the forum is about the Triangle, falling in love with two people, at the same time with the same intensity."

I honestly do not believe in this. Yes, it is possible to fall in love with two different people at the same time, however, it is NEVER with the same intensity. Why do I say this? Well, I believe that the reason one unexpectedly falls in love with someone else at the same time is because he/she finds someone who makes him/her feel like a whole different person. Let's be honest, when you've been with one person for a long period of time, things tend to become stagnant and routine. That is because you both feel comfortable with each other, too comfortable. You know each other inside and out. Therefore, the relationship loses the magic and excitement that was there when you were first starting out. Yes, there are no more surprises but your relationship has reached a whole new level. You are now in the stage where you know that there is stability in your relationship. You have surpassed all the petty fights and not-so-petty fights that have threatened to tear your relationship apart. In other words, you are now sure that he is yours and you are his.

Then someone comes along. Someone who chisels you out of the concrete slab that you are firmly cemented to. Someone who makes your blood rush, makes you laugh, someone who sends tingles up your spine and gives you butterflies. In other words, this someone makes you feel the 1st stage relationship bliss all over again. And you find this person totally different from the one you are currently with, Mr. Safe. This new guy, let's call him Mr. Dangerous. The name suits him, mainly because he is dangerous. He will make you do things you would never do, things that you swore never to do. And by making you do these things, he makes you realize that you are alive. He has breathed new life into you. Then without even knowing what has happened, you find yourself sighing like a little schoolgirl who is insanely in love.

Here comes the dilemma, you love them both. What to do? You can't go on playing this charade, you have to choose. But who? The man who has been beside you for the past let's say, 4 years? Or Mr. Dangerous, the man who has made you feel alive again? I honestly don't know how to go about finishing my story because I have never been in this situation. But I am hoping that Mr. Safe wins. I like security, I like to know what's coming. Picking Mr. Dangerous would mean that you'd have to go through all the motions of making your relationship work. You'd have to go through all the pain and hardships and insecurities all over again. Something that I don't think I have the heart to go through anymore. Besides, didn't Mr. Safe make you feel this exact same bliss once upon a time? If your answer is no, then maybe you'd be better off with Mr. Dangerous after all. Mainly because he makes you happy and that's all that really matters.

Here's another scenario, I call this one the Innate Cheater. They put the blame on their childhood. These are the ones that grew up in a depressing environment. Unloved by father or mother, abused, children whose parents were absent while growing up, elder children who grew not getting not getting any attention from their parents and the list goes on. The bottom line is, these are individual who grew up unloved.

"If children can’t get love from parents when they are young, they will looking for it on different ways through life, I believe. They are also more sensitive and careful. Those kids are slaves and also fighters for love. So, they need action and peace in one person and that is not easy to find in one person."

I call them Innate Cheaters because they just can't help it. They don't want to cheat but because they are so hungry for love, they tend to grab every chance that love is thrown their way. Even if they're already taken. They are always looking for something. Something is always lacking in the person that they are currently with.

You can easily distinguish these Innate Cheaters. They are the ones that skip from one relationship to another, but is always keeping someone. Meaning, they cheat while cheating. And the real girlfriend, wife or partner, well, you see her insanely in love with the IC. She's giving him everything she's got. But he's still cheating on her. When asked why, he tells you that it is because as a child, he was unloved.

My analysis of Innate Cheater is cruel.

He is the type that is always unsatisfied. He will always find a fault in the relationship. No matter how petty, he will tend to make a big deal out of it. He is incredibly self-centered. You will be amazed at how they always have a way of stirring the conversation and making it about him. He will never take the blame for the demise of his relationships simply because to him, he never did anything wrong. He justifies his philandering ways by saying that the other party brought about the demise. He is never contented with what he has, he always wants more, always needs more.

But amidst all his faults, a woman can never resist this type of lover. With his charming baby-ish ways and his incredible ability to make you feel that you are the only woman in the world for him despite the fact that you have solid proof that he is cheating on you. In the end, you will give in, forgive him and forget that anything ever happened. I can easily fit Hayden Kho into this description.

Sadly, because of his inability to be contented in his relationships, he is most likely to grow old ALONE. Yes, after so many loves that have passed through his life, in the end he will end up with no one.

But it is never too late for this insatiable lover. I believe that somehow, someway, there will be someone that would come and change him. Make him into a better man. This person just needs to be very careful about her moves and how she goes about changing her lover. She needs to be vigilant in making him feel the bliss and security of having her in his life. Only then will he be able to change his ways. Of course, the biggest factor in the changing process will be his willingness to change. He has to make himself realize that he is already getting the best love that life has to offer and not want to look for more.

Being in a triangle is never an easy thing. In fact, it is one of the most painful, degrading experience that you will ever have to go through in your life. But in the end, whatever the outcome, what matters most is how you survived the experience. If he chose you, well then rejoice and be thankful. But if he didn't, do whatever needs to be done to get yourself back together again. I know it's not an easy process, but you really do need to go through the motions. You'll see that after all the drama, you've come out a better, stronger person.

Don't You Know that You're TOXIC?!

WARNING: This is a rant post. Needless to say, it contains foul language. Sorry, I'm not one to censor. And it isn't really smooth flowing. And oh, it's loooong. If you don't want to get caught up in that, close the browser. NOW. :P

Photo Credits to the Owner

I didn't plan to wake up early today. I planned to let Lucas sleep in (because he's been sick almost the entire week) and just let him miss his first field trip. Alas, that was NOT what the Universe had in mind for me today. 

My phone started going berserk at 7am because my mom was sending me one FB message after the other. As always, I got mom-induced-palpitations. LOL Seriously! My mom and I are not close by any means and I honestly believe that the only reason she makes an effort to contact me is because of Lucas (and even that is once in a blue moon) or if I've done something which she perceives to be wrong. Of course, this morning's tête-à-tête was about the latter. 

She was messaging me to ask why I haven't been attending soiree's at my grandmother's house in Dasma. But she didn't just stop there. She told me that my relatives told her it was because my hubby wouldn't let me. And that she thinks he's not a good influence since I'm isolating myself from my family and that my world only revolves around the three of us (jigger, lucas, and myself). Then she went on and told me that's probably the reason why my brother is the way he is and that he was probably feeling out of place. Lastly, she went on and said "buti pa sa mga friends mo, lagi kang present!"

To say I was fuming is an understatement. I was frothing-at-the-mouth livid! Not at my mom, but at my relatives. Her sisters and her mother have done nothing but make my life a whole lot harder than it should be. Excuse my french but PUTANGINA!

Ever since I was a teenager, they've done nothing but ruin whatever relationship I had with my mother. Puro sila sumbong, sulsol, at pangingialam. My mom works abroad and I've pretty much been on my own since I was 13. When I say on my own, I do mean on my own. I lived in my house alone with no househelp or guardian. I was in-charge of my life and given the circumstances, I did I pretty good job. 

I never slept around. I didn't become a drug addict. I didn't become an alcoholic. I didn't get pregnant until I was 24. 

Yes, I didn't finish college but that was probably her fault. Nagpadala siya sa sulsol ng mga kapatid nya at pinilit ako sa course na ayaw ko. 

How I turned out is more than I can say for my cousin whose mom (my aunt) is a housewife and a pastora at their church. My cousin got pregnant at 15, then slept with her baby daddy's best friend because they were drunk and "trip" lang (while she was still together with her baby daddy, mind you), got herself pregnant again through that encounter, AND THEN got an abortion WITH THE HELP OF HER OH-SO-GOD-FEARING MOTHER. Bantay sarado pala ha. 

I'm sorry, I am not usually this mean. In fact, I am not mean at all. Nor am I judgmental. But seriously.

Yes, I haven't been attending events in Dasma. But it's not because my hubby wouldn't let me. I don't need permission from him if I wanted to go to a family event. The reason why I haven't been attending is because I'm just sick and tired of all their crap so I've decided to just cut myself off from all of them. 

Here's an excerpt from our FB messages:

"Maraming beses din nmn na anjan sila dinadaan daanan lng nila ako. Isa na ung nag"girls night" sila na na-er si cali. Bago sila umalis andun sila sa kabila, d man lang nila ako sinilip. Pero ano? Nung nasa ER na, ako ang tumulong ah

Si jl dumating, he didnt even make an effort to see me! Kahit imessage man lang ako sa fb. Umalis sila ksama sila chezka, rv etc. Di man lng sya ngparamdam. Di sa nanunumbat ako pero nung wala siya, saakin siya nakadikit. Ngyong meron sya, d nya man lng magawang mgparamdam?

Nung may trabaho ako lahat ng meron ako meron din sya.

Maybe dapat nila isipin ung mga ganun at baka maisip nila na baka un ang reason kya ako lumalayo instead of putting the blame on jigger"

Okay, that wasn't exactly an excerpt but what the hell, I'm all about baring all today. I sent that to my mom. JL is my cousin.

Another reason is I realized that the only way I can keep my family together is to keep them as far away as possible from the grasp of my relatives. 

I am very strong headed and I stick to my guns no matter what. Need less to say, unlike my mother, I can't be manipulated. I don't care what other people say or think. And I don't take advise from people whose life is no better. 

They have been after my husband since the first time I introduced him. He's not from a well off family, you see. So they think he's with me because I somehow alleviate his quality of life. And they didn't even try to hide how they felt about him. Binastos siya ng paulit ulit kahit anong pakisama ang ginagawa nya. 

I can be nonchalant about anything and everything if I choose to. But my husband can't. Overly sensitive does not even to describe him. He easily gets derailed by the simplest of criticisms. So yeah, my relatives' uncouth behavior towards him has been a strain in our relationship. 

So I made a choice. I chose my family. Him and Lucas. I have no obligation to my relatives.

Unlike my mom, who, sorry to say this, has let herself be manipulated by her relatives so many times that I've lost count, I will not let them ruin my relationship. Hell will freeze over before I let that happen. My mom on the other hand... hay my mother's relationship story is a long and winded one that will involve me, a paternity test, and 2 of her exes at some point. 

Anyway, I spoke to my father (not dad, dad is stepfather) and he told me some things that made me believe, more so than ever, that my relatives are POISON. They're blood sucking leeches. He kept reminding me over and over; through each voice conversation, through each text exchange, and even through chat (seaman, go figure); to be wary of the people around me namely my relatives. He told me to not be like my mother, to not let them ruin what I have with my husband. 

He wouldn't tell why at the time. He said he didn't want me to think differently of my mother. He just kept telling me to be careful and told me to be strong for my family. After much probing, he finally told me. "Yang partido ng mama mo ang sumira sa amin. Naniwala siya sa mga sumbong nila at nagpadala sa mga sulsol"

Do I have a reason to think otherwise? No. They've been doing it to me all this time and when they finally realized that they couldn't break me, they went to my mother. Sorry sila, my mom is the last person who can break me. 

I want to tackle all of the accusations that my mom threw at me.

My world revolves around Jigger and Lucas. Okay. True. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT?! I am quite certain that this didn't just happen to me. That's what happens when you get your own family. Am I wrong? 

My brother. My brother is an imbecile in every sense of the word. He doesn't pick up after himself, has a pile of 2 months worth of dirty dishes in his room, I have no idea where he's getting clean clothes seeing as he doesn't do laundry nor does he take his soiled clothes to a laundromat, walks past Lucas without so much as a glance... oh this list could make up a whole new blog post. He's been like that ever since. All he needs to survive in this world is his allowance (for junk food), his laptop, and internet connection. His definition of human companionship is chatting with his DOTA-mates. He knows it, I know it, and my mom knows it. Now where the hell do they get off blaming Jigger for my brother's social retardation?

Lastly, my friends. Oh this is a good one. My friends have been with me through thick and thin. They have stuck by me when no one else has. They have supported me through all of my decisions which is more than I can say for the people I'm related to by blood who have done nothing but ridicule my dreams. Yes, I am present in almost all of our lakads simply because I can't say no when there's no reason to. They call me endlessly and even go so far as showing up at my doorstep and waiting until I've showered, dressed, and put on my makeup just to make sure I'd go. My friends' parents and siblings look for me when I'm absent. I get saner advice from my friends' parents than my own parents. Simply put, my friends are my family. 

There is so much more I want to write down but I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. Not to mention, I'm utterly wiped out because I decided that the best way to not dwell on my anger is by going on that field trip (I'll write about it tomorrow). Besides, this post is long enough as it is. 

At the beginning of the year, I vowed that I would cut ties with people who've done nothing but take me for granted and bring me down. After all, such people are really not worth having around. Most of the people on my maternal side are on that list. I don't think I'm an ingrate or mapagmalaki by doing this. Because frankly, I owe them nothing.

On a final note, I just want to share the parinig I made on Facebook:


I'm a man (so to speak) of very few words especially when it comes to you. In fact, if there was no one else left in the world to talk to but you, I still wouldn't tell you anything about my life. Have you ever wondered why? Because you are manipulative, a terrible gossip, and just downright TOXIC. Yes, I just referred to you as POISON. 

YOU know NOTHING about me, my life, or my relationship. What makes you think you can pass on judgement? A jury will never hand out a sentence based on ASSUMPTIONS. I know you're curious so gossip all you want, I don't give a damn. But know one thing, curiosity KILLED the cat.

While we're at it, is your life perfect? Don't keep meddling with my life just because you can't get a hold on yours.

For added effect, I'm throwing a Bible verse at you.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 - "and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you,"

Conti's Choco Walnut Torte

We went to my friend Blas' new family home last night in BF Homes for what I thought was his send-off party. He's now based in Australia but he's home for a couple of weeks to take care of some wedding plans. Anyway, it turns out it wasn't his despedida but a small family gathering to celebrate his nephew's birthday and their new home. 

When we got there we were surprised to see that he actually invited us to a family gathering and not a simple dinner with friends. What can I say? Many, many years of friendship make us family. LOL

There was so much food that my friend Cams and I suffered from food coma. LOL I didn't get to take pics of the buffet spread because Lucas was kept picking desserts left and right to put on his plate. But there was lechon, homemade Chinese kikiam, pancit something, dinuguan, jumbo shrimps with Alavar sauce, other native Zamboanga dishes, tuna sashimi from Gen San, and an assortment of desserts majority of which were different cakes from Conti's. 

Lemme talk a little bit about the shrimps with Alavar sauce. It was the first time I've tried Alavar sauce and I must say, it was to die for! It was coconut-y, nutty, and all sorts of yummeeeh! 

Photo Credits to the Owner

Now let's get to the title of this post. Conti's Choco Walnut Torte. 

Conti's Choco Walnut Torte
Wafer-based cake with marshmallow-like cream drizzled with choco syrup and sprinkled with cashew nuts. 

Php 625

I loved this cake so much that I had 3 servings. That's probably why I felt super light headed after dinner (of course, that's on top of the humungous servings of jumbo shrimps and lechon skin that I had. so yeah, food coma). LOL 

I didn't like the "marshmallow-like cream" so much though. I'm not a big fan of cream but the other two layers of this cake made it a winner. The description of this cake on the Conti's website doesn't really do it justice because it wasn't just sprinkled with cashew nuts, there were whole cashews embedded on the insides of the cake. Here's a photo of its innards.

Photo Credits to foodspotting.com

Really a must try!

Here are some of the other photos I got to take last night. 

Pia, Martin, Paulo, and Tet

Tetet, Martinne, Cams, and Lucas

The living room from my point of view

Blas, his fiance Zah, and his super duper hospitable dad

I really wanted to take a photo of the kitchen.. oh well.

Walkway

I love the facade of their home!

Chillin' in the balcony

Last Post for the Day... PROMISE! :P

I'm still not in the mood to tackle these assignments I have at hand so I'm going to blog. :)

I'm working on some articles for a law firm in the US and you wouldn't believe how boring it can get. As in! Nothing goes into my head when I do research. Hayayay.. :(

Anyway, I've been thinking about what I'm gonna do with this blog. Like, what am I going to write about etc. I've decided to NOT make it a niche blog. As much as I would like to write about my interests (makeup, food, parenting) alone, I find that taxing. So I'm just going to write about anything I want here.

I like to cook though so maybe you'll see a lot of the dishes I cooked and I'll probably share recipes.Kinda like the Jin Loves to Eat at Home posts that Jin does. I eat out too but I like hole-in-wall places and I tend to stick to the south.

I'm a work-at-home mom so I don't dress up a lot because I rarely go out. But I love makeup and often get a sudden urge to play with my stuff even if it's midnight. I'll try to post makeup tutorials too. :)

Of course, my life revolves around my son Lucas so you'll see a LOT of posts about him. My Facebook timeline and Instagram account are living proofs to that. I often think that maybe my friends are getting a little bored with my posts because they're all him or are about him. I rarely post pictures of myself anymore. LOL

Anyway, it's raining like crazy right now.. Wonder if there are classes tomorrow? It's funny how I'm back to that stage where I get up in the morning and hope there's no school. And you know what? When Lucas and I get home from school I'm always super wiped out! Like I always need a nap! To think all I have to do is sit around and wait for 2 hours or so. LOL But I have the ebooks which Jane sent (thank you so much, Jane!) me to help pass out time.

My friends and family don't know about my blog and I don't really plan on telling them about it because I want to be able to write down my thoughts without having to censor them. Yes, I do censor out the things I share with my inner circle. I don't know why, I just do. Complicates things a little less, I guess.

Oh well, it's time to tuck Lucas in bed now and I guess it's also time for me to face the inevitable.. WORK. If I had it my way, I wouldn't work at all! I'd just play mommy and wifey all my life. But things don't go the way we want now, do they?

Crazy Katsu with Life Long Friends

I don't have a lot of friends. In fact, my social circle is pretty much limited to the people I've been with since high school.

Circa 1996

Circa 2003

Pictures from a year or two back

 Okay so these are only the pictures of us girls. I'm too lazy to dig up my baul of photo albums to get the pics with the boys in our group. Besides, it will take me all night to sift through them. hehehe

Anyway, last week one of my girlfriends sent out a text blast saying that Blas (our friend who's now based in Australia) is home and wanted to meet up for dinner. Being the southerners that we are, we like to stick close to home when it comes to meet ups like this so we decided to go to BF Homes.

The first plan was to dine at Ritchie's Diner but when we got there, it was closed. :( Martin,our designated driver for the evening, suggested we cruise around to find somewhere to eat. While we were checking out the restos along Aguirre, Tet suddenly blurted out "Ayan oh! Crazy Katsu!" No one in our group has ever tried Crazy Katsu so I dunno if Martin was just really hungry but he just parked his car right away. LOL

Their menu was very limited. The server said their Torikatsu was their specialty dish so we ordered about 7 of those, 3 Torikatsu Salads (no picture, sorry), and 1 Torikatsu Curry.

I was expecting a Yabu-ish meal but what we had was not even half close to that. For the price, I would say it was okay. Honestly though, I expected a bit more in  terms of flavor. There just wasn't a WOW factor in any of the dishes. It was too fast food-ish for my taste. The curry was good enough though.

Nicky, Rustan, and Martin

Here's us after our not-so-satisfying meal.

Tetet, Cams, Lucas and I, Nicky, Blas, Rustan, and Martin

Lucas fell asleep halfway through dinner. Poor kid. LOL Blas wanted to show us their new house. We drove there (well, the boys drove.. we girls had a grand time being chauffered around hehehe) so he could give us a tour. He said his parents finally built their dream house. A bit of construction was still on-going but it was pretty amazing, if you ask me. The kind of home that I would want. Sorry, I didn't get to take pictures around the place as I was too busy trying to keep Lucas under control. He was "wow"-ing left and right. hehehe

A pullout pantry (is that what this is called? LOL) has always been a dream for me so here's my little monster and I, inspecting theirs.

Oh the things I could do in a kitchen as big as this!

Me climbing up the stairs.

Cooking area on their balcony

The only ones left here in the Philippines! :( 

As always, crazy fun-filled night with these kids (yes, we still think of ourselves as kids :p). Many may have moved elsewhere for greener pastures but it's nice to know that when they come home to the Philippines, we're always the first people they call. <3

To drink to our 16 years of friendship, we headed to Serenitea for a night cap. 

Blas and Martin ordering (and paying) for us. LOL

Yes, it was an alcohol-free kind of evening for us. A rare occurrence especially when we're with the boys. I can't say the same for tomorrow night though. Blas is hosting a send-off BBQ dinner party kind of thing (new balcony and all LOL). There hasn't been a time that I didn't come home from one of his parties crazy wasted. Long ago, you wouldn't imagine how hard I partied but that's long gone. I'm bringing Lucas as my shield and a car too so I'd have the perfect excuse to say no after a bottle.. or two... or three... HAHAHAHAHA!

I'm Baaaaccckkkk!!

If you are friends with me on Facebook and follow me on Instagram, you'd know that I haven't really fallen off the face of the Earth and that I am alive, well, and kicking! hehehe

I know I promised to update my blog often but I've been in kind of a funk the past few months. Like I have no drive to write, at all! Needless to say, my finances are suffering like you wouldn't imagine seeing as I'm a writer-slash-editor and all. :(

Anyway, I'm trying my damnest to get it together so here I am. :)

Lemme tell you what I've been doing while my brain cells have decided to go on an indefinite leave from work :P

Lucas started school last June! Yay!

He goes to St. Ignatius South School. It's inside our village and only a 15 - minute drive away from our house. It's a small school really.

I had a really hard time choosing a school for him. He and I visited at least 8 preschools within our village and joined 2 summer programs (hey, it was free :P). I was already set on enrolling him in the last school we attended trial classes in even if I wasn't too comfortable with the decision yet because their curriculum seemed fit for my so called long term plans for Lucas' schooling.

Why wasn't I comfortable? Well for one, I wasn't too keen on the premises.. the school just felt too dark and gloomy. Next, I felt that Lucas was not comfortable there. I had to carry him in so we could go to class and sat on my lap the entire time.

Last, the owner and teachers were nice enough but I got turned off when one of the teachers during the trial class went all "strowberi". HAHAHAHA

I know my English well and heck, I speak to Lucas in straight English (paying great mind to diction and pronunciation) so "strowberi" is just not acceptable. This was kind of the deal breaker for me.

I pass by St. Ignatius almost everyday but I didn't quite notice it until I was already feeling hopeless trying to find a school for Lucas. Imagine, it was already the second week of June and he still wasn't enrolled. So one day, as I was preoccupied with thoughts about his schooling while Jigger was driving, I asked him to stop at St. Ignatius so we could inquire.

After 30 minutes of discussing the curriculum, expectations, and whatnots, I felt that I've found the school for him. Yay! Plus, Lucas did not stay by my side the whole time! He was exploring the surroundings as Jigger and I were talking to the teacher-slash-owner of the school. Double yay! There was one thing that  bothered me though, their classrooms weren't air-conditioned! Their fees were the same as the other schools we went to so I couldn't understand why they didn't have ACs installed. The teacher told me they find that kids are more prone to getting sick in air-conditioned classrooms so they decided against it. Okay then.

One problem though.. their down payment was more than what we prepared. Thankfully, the teacher-slash-owner agreed to accept the amount we had on-hand so he could start school (the following day!) and give us a little time to come up with the balance. Triple yay! They started classes the week before so he was a little late but better late than never :P

Lucas and Classmates on his First Day

Fast forward to today..

So everyday since the second week of June, I've been playing stage mommy at his school. I drive him there and wait for 2 and a half hours for his class to be done. A couple of weeks ago, they celebrated the International Fairy and Pixie Day by asking all the students to come in costumes. Now where would you find a fairy/pixie costume for boys? NOWHERE! So I made one.

I was going for Terence the Pixie Dust Fairy

Not quite.. but close enough. Hey, it was the best I could do! I did this the night before. LOL

Today, they had National Children's Book Reading Day at SM Center Las Pinas

This is almost everyone in his school. That's how small it is. LOL

I'm ending this comeback post now because it's become too long. hehehe But I promise to come up with more posts soon :)

PS. I'm not preggo by the way. It was a false alarm. One heck of a false alarm, mind you. 2 months delayed?! I honestly think I was preggo but it just didn't push through. I felt a teeny weeny bit of relief but I was more of devastated when I got my period. I was already at that stage where I was already planning a first birthday party! Go figure. LOL

But I'm okay now. In God's good time, I'll be blessed with a beautiful baby girl. :)

Aleksandrea Isobelle Alivija Nikolai

It's been too long since I updated this blog. I've been busy.. doing nothing. LOL

Anyway, what's with the title?

Errr... I might be baking a bun in the oven. I say "MIGHT" because I haven't taken a test yet.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it yet. But one thing I am sure of is I'm excited at the possibility of having another baby. Not so excited because of certain circumstances. hay...

Well, if it's a girl that's what we're naming her. If it's a boy, it'll be Jigger Alkeos Elijiah Niklaus Grey.

I really like that name but I'm not so sure I like the idea of how people will react to "Grey" LOL Yes, it is after Christian Grey. HAHAHAHA e bakit ba, I named Lucas after a book character din naman. Not so mainstream lang as the to-die-for Christian Grey.

Okay, so what lead to me to believe that I might be preggo? I honestly don't know! Although my period is fairly regular, I've been delayed before. But I've never been this paranoid that I might be preggo.

Aunt Flo is 1 week and a few days late and I'm experiencing cramps... Cramps that make me think that my period's coming. I've been having these cramps for about 2 weeks now. And so I've been talking to my tummy, "Baby, if you're in there stop these making me cramp! That's bad." LOL If I am preggo, cramping is bad, right?

I don't have any other pregnancy symptoms.. then again, I didn't have them either when I was pregnant with Lucas. I was lucky enough to not be one of those mommies that went through the hells of morning sickness or nausea or anything like that. All I knew was that I was always excited at the thought of eating sampaloc during my first tri and that I always had a packet of Ding Dong in my pocket. LOL

Now though.. nothing like that.

Anyway, I'm waiting till next week before I take a PT and I'm hoping for the best. What "best" is, I have no idea.. Oh wells..

Work.. work.. work...

The main reason why I've been stressed out the past couple of days is because of work.. or lack thereof. LOL Lucas' birthday is coming up and I don't really have any money saved up. Now is the worst time for an employment slump on my end since we (baby daddy and I) also plan to have Lucas baptized on his birthday. Yes, he's turning 4 and hasn't been baptized yet. :/

So anyway, I landed a client last night and that eased up some of the tension a bit. BUT! The problem with freelancing is that you don't really know if your client will pay you for work you rendered until they actually pay you. I was recently burned for work that amounted to some $1,000 and that has really left me feeling a bit hopeless and angry, to say the least. It also got me depressed because it put me in a position that I didn't want to be in -- once again considering on becoming a slave to the corporate world. Albeit offering a more stable income, I dread going back to work in the real world because I don't want to leave my son with my oh-so-competent (NOT!) help. I think about it and I swear, I CRY!

I'm really hoping that THIS client is good for his money because God knows I need it.

The job I got is more of editing than writing. Don't get me wrong, I love writing but churning out a string of words that make sense and is relevant to the topic being discussed can be overwhelmingly draining. Editing on the other hand, makes me question my own competency in the English language. Seriously, I find myself pulling up websites about grammar just to make sure that I'm right. hahaha!

I have come across writers that can write around 30 250-word articles in a day but by the time I'm done editing and proofreading their work, a 250-word article would be down to 100-words then I would have to make up for the lack in word count. There were even some that kept blabbing on and on in their articles but none of what they were saying actually made sense or even touched the topic! That's the problem with some "writers" these days. They have someone else write their assessment articles so they can get in then they race to submit one rubbish (sorry!) article after the other so they can earn a lot. Then editors have to suffer the repercussions. So advice to other freelance writers? ALWAYS quality over quantity, my dears.

I have a pile of 100 articles waiting to be proofread and edited and I need to get started on them right away..  like yesterday. LOL

I realized....

.... that if I wasn't so much of a hard-headed free spirit and did everything my mom said.. absolutely everything she said when I was a teenager..

a. Study hard
b. Fix your travel papers
c. don't let a man rule over your life...

I would have already traveled to places some people only dream about even before I became part of the employed population...

But I didn't do the things that she told me.. instead, I pretty much focused on NOT letting letter C happen. hahaha! You see, I am a heart girl. I would move mountains, count the stars, measure the volume of water on Earth with a teacup, and base all of my life's decisions on LOVE.

This aspect of myself has become as clear as the most flawless of diamonds to me now and I contemplate on whether I regret the decisions that I've made in my life. The truth is, I have made a LOT of bad decisions in my life, committed a lot of mistakes, cried and paid more than what was due for them.

But motherhood and falling in love with the man that gave me the opportunity to be part of such a wonderful blessing are not, and will never be part of the "mistake" list. After all, if I didn't go through all of the raucous, I would never have felt (and still feel) the kind of unconditional love and overwhelming bliss that I feel for this little one...

If asked what's my single most greatest achievement, I would say "Lucas" in a heartbeat. He and everything else that came along are the best things that have ever happened to me.

So when I think about the things that could have been, the places I could have seen, the events I could have taken part of, the wines, cups of coffee, and exquisite delicacies that I could have eaten in some of the most beautiful and romantic places in the world -- I look to my right, see one of God's most beautiful creations and feel an overwhelming sense of happiness and fulfillment.

And those feelings are what make me feel that I did everything right. <3

Chocolate Cravings

I had about one of the worst days ever! I am not going to discuss it in detail because I'm choosing to just let it go and hope for the best tomorrow. :) But I really want to thank Jane for being so thoughtful and sending me a text message. It really lifted my spirits. <3

Anyway, to rid myself of that crappy feeling, I decided to comb through Jin's blog right from the beginning. OMG she has got to be one of the funniest bloggers out there! Her posts made me laugh for the first time all day. :)

While Jane's blog always left me craving for hakaw and yang chow fried rice (I promise it's true! LOL), Jin's has got me craving for Swiss chocolates, chocolate truffles, and all sorts of pralines.

My idea of heaven would have a stand just like this on all sides. :P

Disclaimer: Not my photo.

 Right now, I'm craving for chocolates that my mom used to bring home from Dublin. Last I had any of those was about a year ago I think.. when she sent some for Lucas. Okay, I only gave him a little but in my defense, I didn't really allow him to eat sweets or chocolate until some 6 months ago. :P

Going back...

I am a dark chocolate kind of girl. As long as dark chocolate is involved, I am all for it. But dark mint chocolates (along with chocolate truffles) make it pretty high up on my list. :)

I don't like white chocolates or overly creamy milk chocolates. As weird as it may sound, they're too sweet for my liking. LOL However, I do love milk chocolates with hazelnuts, macadamia, or almonds. I also love those with fruits and nuts. Oooh I'm drooling right about now :D I also love chocolates with all sorts fillings like caramel, nougat (Mars!), coconut something something (Bounty!), peanut butter (Reese's!) and Almond Rocha!!!!

Okay, I am a chocoholic! Chocolates are my guilty pleasure. They always make me feel happy. <3

For some reason though, I don't like Patchi. Too creamy? I dunno. And I have yet to try Royce'. It seems that I'm always in a rush when I pass by their stall at Town. Hay.. I will make time!!

I'm blabbing again. I'm writing down my chocolate fantasies. hahaha!!

But anyway, I also wanted to include a self-reminder on this post.

I was reading through Jin's Scandinavian trip series and I remembered that one of the things that I've been dying to do since 2 years ago (I think) is to eat at a hotel breakfast buffet. I am not a breakfast person but I loovvveee breakfast food! Breads, jams, cheeses, cereals, bacon, scrambled eggs...ahhhhh I want! I want!!!

Sooo... for my 29th birthday, I need to remember to go and eat at a hotel breakfast buffet. It's more than 2 months away but I'm already excited. hahahah!!!

Suggestions, please? ;)

I Got a S.E.C.R.E.T! :P

Photo Credits to http://www.retreatbyrandomhouse.ca

I was feeling a bit low yesterday so I pretty much did nothing except read S.E.C.R.E.T. Yeah, that's what I do when I feel like my life is in shambles, I curl up in bed and either stare at the ceiling, watch reruns of Grey's Anatomy, or read a book.

I stumbled upon this book by chance as I was reading through one of those sites that offer spoilers for TV shows. Grey's didn't have a new episode this week and I was trying to find out why. Anyway, a link entitled "The Book that's Gonna Give Fifty Shades of Grey a Run for Its Money!" was flashing in neon lights (well, not really LOL) on the column at the right side of the page. Being a BIG fan of Fifty Shades (I swear, Christian is my ideal guy! Save maybe for the spanking.. I am like Anastasia when it comes to pain hahaha!), I naturally clicked on the link. 

Here's the book's synopsis:

In S.E.C.R.E.T there are…
No judgments. No limits. No shame. 
Cassie Robichaud’s life has been filled with regret and loneliness since the death of her husband. She waits tables at the rundown Café Rose in New Orleans, and every night she heads home to her solitary one-bedroom apartment. But when she discovers a notebook left behind by a mysterious woman at the café, Cassie’s world is forever changed. The notebook’s stunningly explicit confessions shock and fascinate Cassie, and eventually lead her to S∙E∙C∙R∙E∙T, an underground society dedicated to helping women realize their wildest, most intimate sexual fantasies. Cassie soon immerses herself in an electrifying journey through a series of ten rapturous fantasies with gorgeous men who awaken and satisfy her like never before. As she is set free from her inhibitions, she discovers a new confidence that transforms her, giving her the courage to live passionately. Equal parts enticing, liberating and emotionally powerful, S∙E∙C∙R∙E∙T is a world where fantasy becomes reality.

Source: http://www.randomhouse.com

My Thoughts:

I started reading around 4PM and by 8PM, I was already done. It's pretty captivating, if you ask me. But it's NOT as racy as Fifty Shades. Which is kinda good because you won't be left feeling an ache somewhere (if you know what I mean hahahaha!). BUT! There's still going to be something inside you that's gonna be screaming "Bloody Hell! I want that!"

It's all about unleashing a woman's sexual empowerment traits by living out sexual fantasies. Along with that, qualities such as bravery, confidence, and generosity are realized and developed. Okay, most of them are probably in the sexual context but at the end of Cassie's journey, she was well on her way to becoming a femme fatale! 

One of the scenarios that keep me wondering was her "sex with someone famous" fantasy. Through the description, it seemed to me like the "someone famous" character was P. Diddy. Or maybe it was only in my head because he's one of e-team crushes. LOL 

A question that has been looming over my head since I finished reading the book was: "If someone from S.E.C.R.E.T approached me, would I join?" Basing my answer on the society's motto -- No judgments. No limits. No shame., I think yes, if I were truly single. In my opinion, it's more than just living out sexual fantasies. But more of women empowerment in general. So yeah, I think it would be an awesome personal journey. 

Overall, this book is a good read especially for women who feel like they've hit a rut in their lives. And hey if you're married, you can live out your sexual fantasies with your better half. It's all about working it. :) 

Want a copy? Shoot me a comment with your email address <3

Dear March....

Please be good to me...

A Manila Trip is Never Complete Without a Stop at....

Chinatown!

Well, that's the case for me at least :P

I love, love, love Chinatown! So many things to see, so many restaurants to eat in, little trinkets here and there. Don't even get me started on 168. LOL

My first stop was of course, Eng Bee Tin!

Eng Bee Tin hopia is the only hopia I eat. I couldn't live without these when I was pregnant with Lucas. Back then, Eng Bee Tin hopia could only be bought in Chinatown. Imagine how I would nag Jigger (the baby daddy) when I ran out of my supply. LOL So maybe that's why Lucas has chinky eyes too? hehehe Anyway, I was overwhelmed at the plethora of flavors available! But I only got these 4...

Yeah, hopia mongo is my favorite. hehehe The thing with me though, I cannot get too much of anything even if it's my favorite. I end up not paying them any mind when I've already eaten one. The custard ube is new to me and I regret only getting one packet. It's delicious!!!

After Eng Bee Tin, I headed to my other favorite place...

I have been going here for pancit since I was 17! I'm very independent, you see. With no parents or guardians watching over me, I pretty much took care of myself. So as young as 14, I would commute from Las Pinas to Manila to "soul search" while walking around. Yep, walk. LOL I walked from Recto to Chinatown btw.. but only because I didn't know what jeep to ride and I was too kurips to take a pedicab. hahahah!

Anyway, this is the inside of Manosa..

The ground floor is not air-conditioned and the staff would be peeling vegetables at the next table. The second floor however, is a little more desirable. When I say a little, I do mean a LITTLE. Not table cloths or anything but at least it's air-conditioned and there's no open kitchen up there. Anyway, I ordered these for take-out because I wanted to get home to my little monster already. He's not used to waking up without me beside him. :(

Huge siomais (100/4pcs and special mikimihon (205 for a large order). They don't look appetizing but I promise you, they are! And the servings are huge! Their menu is very limited but I've tried their Maki (shown in the top picture above this one. yep, that brown thing in the pot), fried rice, and Sweet and Sour pork. I don't like sweet viands so I usually snub anything that has "sweet" in its name.. but I loved their Sweet and Sour pork. Prices are pretty affordable. And oh, the place is always packed despite lacking in ambiance. :)

This concludes my Manila adventure today.

I hope to be able to write more interesting posts for you guys in the future. :)